No matter at which point of a romantic relationship you are in, the question of “what are we” or “where is this going” will pop up. Whether if you are your junior year of high school, second year of college, into your 30’s, it will be a topic of discussion. Most people in this situation will take either of these 2 sides of this: they want a label, or they don’t want to be labeled. Below, I will explain why each side is critical in their own way and some might not agree but this is my opinion based on experience and research and yours might be different and that’s what makes this unique.

You are with your partner for X number of months and there is a connection among you two however, you aren’t sure what his/her true intentions are going forward. You might be waiting to make a career choice and maybe you want your partner to still in your life, or maybe you just want too perhaps want to take the next step at the right time. People that request a status or a label are often the ones who just want clarification. Normally, it’s not to just show off the label to others (which many do actually) but to make sure both parties are on the same page. And it can get complicated because if you are not on the same level of agreement when one may perhaps make a move that they shouldn’t have, tension may occur due to the unbalance. This is the point where I believe a discussion of establishing the status can be mentioned. Not for the popularity of being in a couple or whatnot but to make sure both partners are on the same page and in the end, it should be what everyone wants in my opinion.

You are being questioned with that “what are we” question. You are having fun being in the “relationship” for the past few months and you don’t want things to take a turn for the worse with a wrong decision. Sometimes the wrong words you might say can even take that wrong turn even if you don’t have those intentions because not everyone interprets the same message the same. Maybe you don’t want your partner to change how they act towards you or how they talk about you because of the possible label involved or lack of. or maybe you are cared that you might not live up to the label that your partner has been promised at the beginning or vise-versa. You can be scared because of your past experiences or just not knowing how it feels to be in that position to move towards a romantic relationship because it’s never happened to you before. There’re many reasons why someone might not want a label for the relationship they might have with someone and it’s completely okay. A label doesn’t not need to be established in my opinion but as mentioned above, the intentions should be clear for both parties. If a label is created as a result, great but if not, maybe keeping things how they are is for the best and once both sides reach a point where they feel it’s the right time to move to the next stage, that’s perfectly fine too.

Now here’s another perspective: you are on the outside looking in. You see a potential relationship in the making and question “what is the status.” That’s okay to be curious as you are not in the mind of the individual involved so you might not know to the full extent of their feelings. As a result, a label is best for you to acknowledge what each party feels towards one another. Or perhaps those same people act as if they are romantically into one another and you might question “why aren’t they together already.” Again, you aren’t in their mind reading their feelings and explanations but for the people involved, these are usually the reasons why they might get questioned about labels. They might not like the fact that you won’t set a label or status because they then can’t make up the relationship they are seeing. You shouldn’t be forced to explain your reasons if you don’t want to but that’s just a reason why people ask about label or the status when they are on the outside looking in. Or they might think the next step of the relationship is upon you two and maybe you guys are ready to make the next step. But even as a friend wanting the best, it’s only you and your partner that should make the jump once both sides are content with what they want.

Malcom X is right about this. In life, there’s no such thing as a straight line. Over 93% of individuals don’t find their partner for life on their first try. However, it’s not meant to say that you shouldn’t try. You also shouldn’t go into a relationship with the thoughts of it going to fail eventually because how fair is that to your partner who believes that you two can actually last? Heartbreaks are rough, there’s no doubt about it. Some take it harder than others and that’s okay too. Heartbreaks are one of those things that are normal in your life span and you might put all the blame on yourself. You hide yourself for months, years, scared to come back into the light of love. And that’s okay too. It’s a tough road and no matter what is being said to you, only you can power yourself to overcome your past. People are scared to date again; some don’t want their time wasted after a bad encounter, some don’t want to go through those months or years of hiding again. What those same people might not realize is that the next person in line might not have the same history as you. They might not have felt what you have felt before or maybe they have but who are you to judge them from the experiences you have had? They might not have the intentions to hurt you or break up with you. You know who else might have had those same thoughts? Your past encounters (for the most part). It’s okay to give the idea of dating again on hold but you shouldn’t put the blame on the person trying to make you happy. No one can predict the future because if people could, no lessons would be learned in history. The next person that wants to possibly date you or whatnot, maybe give them a chance, only when you are ready. Also, don’t give in because you feel pressured from them or your friends. If it doesn’t work, it’s another road black towards your long-term relationship down the road. You learn from these experiences and if you block yourself from them, when are you ever going to learn?