A post by Andrea Wesley really got my eyes reading and thinking about this one. As times have evolved, it’s truly the biggest transformation for any generation as there has never been as big of a evolution change towards one generation as much as for millennials. The post by Andrea talks about 10 ways how dating is screwed up for millennials and I will be giving my opinions on each of those points.

Link of post by Andrea Wesley: https://www.bolde.com/dating-millennial-screwed/

1- “We ghost as a way to end things.“

As sad as it may sounds, it’s honestly true. There’s a lack of care towards the other person we are talking to. I don’t know if millennials have difficulties with “growing a pair” and being straight up towards the other individuals or maybe they feel as if being straight up won’t do any justice. This post isn’t a shot towards millennials but I do think for those who feel as if ghosting is the best solution for ending a relationship, it’s really not. Like Andrea said, if that were to happen in real life, some type of angry reaction would respond but maybe because it’s a text message (or lack) it means it’s over? Not every relationship or friendship will work and that’s life but at least own up to it not working rather than making the other person questioning what’s in your head as no one wants their time wasted.

2- “We’re hyper-focused on sex.”

Sex nowadays is more open than perhaps 30 years ago and there’s less of the “no sex until marriage” statement being made at the beginning of a relationship. I personally don’t have an issue with sex before marriage or even casual sex between individuals but I also think that for millennials, or at least a good portion of them have a phase of where it’s just about sex. Again, in life, you experience different stages of one’s life and perhaps someone just wants to go through a phase where they have sexual activities with various partners because of so and so reasons. Again, I don’t have an issue with that, just as long as both parties are aware of what’s going on. That’s the main issue of that. A lot of the times, millennials will hide the fact of their true desires to have sex with who they want. I think there’s a big different in going with the flow and sex is the end result and purposely sugar coating someone’s feeling where they want something more than sex and you basically use them and leave them to dry afterwards. And for some people, sex is bigger than just that. Some people are insure about themselves and their bodies and for sure wouldn’t want their bodies used like trash, especially if their intentions were made at the beginning. Like the first point made by Andrea, just be straight up with what you want, it’s not that hard. When Andrea talks about sex leading to heartaches among other things, I think that can all be avoided with simple communication. Perhaps feelings may grow during a casual sex relationship between individuals but at least if the intentions were said at the beginning, there’s only so much you can do to control future feelings for someone.

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4- “We’re in a competition of who can care the least.”

It’s actually sad that the amount of care in a relationship is truly a competition. I don’t get the protectiveness millennials as a generation have towards emotions, especially towards romance. Showing emotions to them is seen as a negative, it’s makes the other person run away and honestly, I don’t know why. You try to show emotions and do something nice for the person you care about and it’s seen as too much. I’m saying this as a general statement because there’s a difference between genuinely being nice and showing emotions and being clingy and overemotional to the point where it distresses someone. Maybe millennials want the right person to show the emotions towards them but again, at least show someone empathy rather than leaving them with a blackhole to stare back at them.

5- “We’re too strategic about our response.”

This is very factual towards millennials in my opinion. A reason why I think this is a huge issues for millennials is because of how judgemental they are, especially towards other individuals. Every action, every picture posted, every text sent made is being looked at and judged upon and its sickening to that degree. As a millennials myself, I think we millennials believe that we are entitled to whatever we feel and as a result, we have control to react how we may choose to without any repercussion. Responding to a text when you get it seems desperate but why? Yeah, maybe if you stop whatever you are doing so you can see when the love of your life text you back ever second of your day is overboard and it is but I admit I’m a person that answer quickly if I’m on my phone, no matter who messages me, it’s who I am. I answer fast so I don’t forget to answer them later. If you don’t like the tempo of the conversation, you can choose not to answer every minute, that’s fine. It’s reached the point for millennials where we question, “Has it been long enough for me to answer back?” Personally, I think that’s pathetic. People complain when others take forever to answer back yet complain when people answer back whenever they receive the message because they have the free time, honestly just get over it. Like Andrea said, it’s backwards and a bullshit logic to think like.

6- “We expect a perfection that doesn’t exist.”

Fairy tales are fairy tales for a reason. They encounter unrealistic events without any flaws or unrealistic flaws with the happy ending. It isn’t how reality works unfortunately. The amount of millennials who which upon the perfect mate is ridiculous. Again I think there’s a difference between having a taste for a certain type of people you are attracted to and literally segregation someone because they don’t have 6 pack or doesn’t have a specific body shape for a woman. If someone came up to you, fitting every criteria you have, however, they are an inch under 6ft or because she doesn’t have the biggest pair for breast that you want, it’s actually crazy how often I hear people being rejected for these comments. No one is perfect, no matter how much times I say that, there might be someone out there that seems perfect for you but again, no one is perfect. As soon as one minor flaw that’s honestly manageable is found, millennials are quick to throw the person to the curb until they find the next person to pick on. It’s quite disgusting honestly because it makes others self-conscious about themselves and those causing it don’t even realize the impact that they made towards someone.

7- “We’re overload with options.”

This one I think that millennials do often without realizing. Like the point above, imperfection is part of life. Millennials tend to find the smallest flaw in someone and make a bigger deal out of it than what it truly is, often just for an excuse to move on to the next person. There’s nothing wrong I think with millennials having options but I do think it’s wrong by using it as a way to make ur personal check book with it. Instead of settling with the best thing you’ve had in front of you, we assume that they aren’t good enough for us and try to find someone much better. If you do that, again I don’t personally agree with that mindset but do you. Just don’t complain at the end about not finding the perfect people when you let go of someone because of a minor flaw that you overexaggerated about.

8- “We’re become content with being alone.”

With this one, I think millennials are indirectly making their lives more solo rather than with a partner. With the amount of judging and pickiness we have towards one another, no wonder why it’s hard finding a relationship. Maybe being content with being alone isn’t the right way I would say how millennials feel but I get what Andrea is saying. The amount of steps millennials put towards finding a relationship lead to them being alone most of the time because the steps to require a relationship is too unrealistic for reality to follow. Also, millennials are often too scared for commitment for various reasons. Labels, judgement of friend and others, there’s numerous reasons why we are scared of committing. I think that it’s okay to be scared but I also believe that millennials are often scared for the wrong reasons too.

9- “We’re always stuck in a grey area.”

Again, labels are the kryptonite for millennials I believe. I personally don’t know why but it may vary between individuals and that’s okay. What I don’t think is okay is the grey area that Andrea talks about; the thought of the unknown. Not knowing where this relationship is leading to because one or both partners are scared to speak up. Wanting to know what’s going on but scared to bring up the topic. Like I always say, communication is key. Laying out your intentions shouldn’t be hard to do, it creates less issues in the long run. If you are scared of your intentions not matching someone else’s, that’s life and not everyone has the same mindset. A lot of millennials’ relationships revolves around the grey area due to being scared of something. What they don’t realize is by being scared of speaking your opinion is sometimes making it worse for the relationship itself.

10- “We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict on to others.”

This point I feel can relate to several points that Andrea has made. Often, millennials apologize and according to them, it fixes their wrongs so that it’s acceptable without actually realizing the damage it created to someone else. For example, cheating for millennials is seen as a joke and as a result, it leads to many guys and girls being scared of committing into their next relationship due to their previous history of someone’s carelessness towards cheating. A lot of millennials don’t own up to their wrongs, they leave it to the other person to fix themselves for the damage they have done. When it comes to romance though, it creates a lot of things to be fixed; mentally, physically, relationships among others sometimes. There’s a lack of us owning up to our fault and as a result, it creates a lack of actual belief towards romance at a young age because of it.

11- “We’re all jaded as hell.”

There’s just simply too much in the head of a millennial to process in regards to a potential relationship nowadays. With the overthinking of trust to wonders of identical intentions or honest intentions, it’s hard to get a straight thought out for one’s self. This has to do with the complexity that we millennials have brought upon ourselves unfortunately. It’s a huge disappointment that the end goal of romance is seen as a fairy tale fiction that’s unattainable for millennials for various reasons. Even if the nicest person that fits all your wants for a perfect partner comes into your life, there’s always something that will make you reconsider rather than enjoying the moment and being truly happy with yourself and that person. Again, it’s along process at overcome but the first step is to acknowledge that we are all jaded as much as we are.

To summarize, these were Andrea Wesley’s 10 points of why dating is screwed up for millennials and my opinions of each point made. I think that we as millennials can fix a lot of the flaws that we bring unto each other and not everyone is perfect but we can all improve to become better people, better individuals. This post was very subjective but I wanted to give my true opinions towards each point, whether you agree with me or not. This was probably one of my proudest post yet as it gave me a chance to react towards something that hits home for me because as a millennial, I see and feel these things happening everyday. Even though we millennials aren’t perfect, I think that everyone reading this, even if you aren’t a millennial, can take a piece from this post and apply it to their own life to make it better not only for themselves but for someone else. I appreciate everyone that reached this point as I know it was a long post but in honesty, I hope you enjoyed it and even if you disagreed with some points, let me know as again, I’m not perfect either, these are just my opinions but thanks again for reading!

Part 3 of 3

Sorry for the delay for Part 3 but I would be lying if this wasn’t the most relatable for me. We had earlier looked at parallel and rational partners and learned how both are not the most common types of partners, however, it’s able to work for many individuals. Relationships tend to evolve around some sort of equality as a 50-50 relationship is impossible. Maybe one date I will pay, the next my partner will or I’ll choose where we go to eat and you will choose the movie we watch are some situations where there’s no physical balance to prove equality but both parties are benefited. As a result, the last type of partner that we will look at are equal partners.

As you might assume by definition, equal partners are those who orchestrate their relationship through a balance of equal choice making. That is true for the most part but there’s more into it. What people might not know is someone who’s identified as an equal partner wants their partner to be independent in addition to themselves being independent. It might be obvious to some but not all but being independent gives a greater chance of equality as being dependent will lead to automatically a one-sided relationship. Equal partners aren’t perfect, they accept their partner’s flaws as much as they accept their own flaws because no-one is perfect. Equal partners also tend to do their own thing a lot as they are independent but do know that if they ever need something, their significant other is always there for support. They don’t create shadows for one another and if so, any of the two are easily capable of ending the relationship into pursuit of them becoming their own person.

I always believed that these types of partners were the most likely to last because of that level of independency each partner has. Yes, for sure there’s going to be conflicts and disagreements but no relationship is good if it’s one-sided. I honestly prefer an argument happening because someone feels as if their opinion isn’t being listened to as suppose to just being a yes-man or woman. Every relationship should be about choices from both partners, male or female. To end it off, I appreciate all of you for the support through these little post as a good friend of mine gave me these to look at over a year ago and even though I’m only posting them now, I always felt that they were all interesting in their own ways to learn about!

Part 2 of 3

Now that you’ve understood what are parallel partners, let’s look at another type of partners but this time, stepping away from emotions. Emotions play a huge factor in romance or in any time of relationship because too much emotion can create stress for one person and too little emotion can show careless traits from an individual. In relationships, especially a successful one, there needs to be a compromise between these things in order to work out. Today, emotions (or lack-of) will be the subject when we look at rational partners.

To clarify, rational partners are individuals who believe that emotions don’t have any influence on behaviour. These individuals tend make decisions and choices based on intelligence and facts rather than emotions and subjective opinions. What people may mistaken this for is how rational people don’t have emotions because they do. They can feel pain mourning after a passing of a loved one or show happiness when they see the love of their life by their side like any other person. What makes them unique is how they think. Rational partners like a structure, especially during discussion so when a subjective opinion pops out, the possibilities of ways things can go are endless. To them, it creates conflict for the most part. A rational based relationship can work but what it lacks is a large amount of sensibility, especially if both partners are rational. It may be a good thing if both individuals are rational because there will no missing link.

To summarize, rational partners have emotions, they just tend to think based on facts rather than emotions. For them, it works. Every relationship isn’t perfect and one major flaw in this type of relationship is the lack of emotions when rationality is in the equation. It doesn’t mean the relationship won’t work, it’s just one flaw and that one flaw shouldn’t take anything thing way from the partners making the relationship work. Thanks for reading and part 3 will be up later this week so keep an eye on that!

Part 1 of 3

Depending on your partner for life, willing to live and die for that person, isn’ that what partners in romance are about? Well I’m here to tell you that the statement above is correct, however, it’s not always black and white. Not every relationship is the same, not the same intimacy is shared by everyone and as long as both partners are okay with it, it’s their relationship and story to tell.

Parallel partners are the type of partners that might have the general population question their relationship. Intimacy is key in romance and these partner can live without it with no problems. How you may ask? By how they lived way before they were in a relationship, through independence. Independence is key for them because for most of these individuals, there was a point where they were alone and had to climb out of a hole alone. It might be easy for someone to say to grow out of that but not for some. Even in a relationship, they might keep the same feels as when they were alone. They might accept someone in their life romantically but doesn’t mean they are entitled to follow society’s standards of it. Again, it’s not so black and white so let me explain. These individuals don’t need to embrace society’s standards of a relationship. Yes, these partners do care for one another but they don’t necessarily need to prove it every second of their lives. As different as it may sound, to society, they aren’t meant for each other. But that’s the thing, society doesn’t see what happens behind closed doors. They might not need to be next to each other all the time, might not live together, or even see like a couple outside their homes but they share the same believes of love and show it to each other a way that’s indescribable. Lastly, it’s shown that relationships that don’t last are due to a lack of intimacy or a one-sided relationship. With parallel partners, they avoid those problems all together by how they interact with one another.

This may be short as the percentage of couples identify themselves as parallel partners are less than 8% but it was one of those topics in which I’ve known about for quite some time and wanted to learn more about even though it’s quite limited. Like I’ve said, every relationship is different and with that being said, the next types of partners that will be looked at will be rational partners. Hope you enjoyed learning and reading this!

I would by lying if I had said I’ve never used the “scale” to describe someone’s appearance or said that someone is “out of my league.” In fact, I bet everyone, in the younger generation especially, has used one, if not, both of these categorical methods of measuring people. It happens, unfortunately, especially in our society and some might not take it as serious as others but it’s still something that I feel has an impact on a lot of people, on both sides of the spectrum honestly.

The League. I don’t know who invented this “league” or concept. It just been something that people use to differentiable their opinion of an individual in comparison to another individual or a population. Imagine that the person that first imagined this “league” had a completely different concept of it in comparison to how it is today? Pretty funny if you ask me. This league, primarily used by guys and girls who either believe that there is a potential partner they feel they aren’t good enough or the reverse, being too good for someone. I get it, looks play a part in choosing a partner. If someone said otherwise, they would be lying because physical attraction is something needed in a relationship. But what I’ve learnt is that if you think someone is that good looking and you like that person, I don’t see why you shouldn’t attempt anything because you don’t think you in comparison are in that level of looks. You are judging yourself so hard but what happens if that same person or someone in that same level as your crush thinks you are one of a kind? People have different perspectives on looks and just because you don’t feel as if you don’t believe in yourself, someone doesn’t believe you are a good fit for them. And for those who believe they’re too good for some people, you can think like that but I personally believe it isn’t the right way of thinking when it comes to romance. I’m not saying to go for someone who you think will bring you down as a person. What I’m saying is just because that guy doesn’t have the “perfect life” or that girl isn’t the “popular cheerleader” doesn’t mean you should automatically throw them aside because they don’t have the same lifestyle as you. In my opinion, that’s just shitty to do.There’s more to a person than being an equivalent to you because in reality, no-one is another copy of you, not even your identical twin (you get what I mean, not genetically).

“What do you rate her?” “Out of 10, how hot is he?” Middle school to high school to university, heck even during our career job at the age of 35, we hear this. This scale is primarily used to categorize looks but it has it way to categorize personality to sexual experience to practically anything. It’s not that I think this is completely a bad thing because I believe we as human have the right to have preferences of what or who we are attracted to, however, I think the way it’s used is kinda wrong, well for some cases. Again, there are those who believe they are at the bottom of the scale and they can’t get someone that “higher than them” and there are those who think they are too good for most so they believe “just because I’m a 9, I can’t date someone who is a 7.” Again, I think using the scale as a way to power yourself over another individual is wrong. There’s always the option to be subjective towards looks, however, if you aren’t attractive to someone, just say so. There’s no need to say they are level below you because of so and so reasons.

To conclude, yes, these concepts are used by many in our society and I believe that in some instances, they are used wrong. By both sides too. By those who don’t believe that they are good enough because you know what? You are. Just because you feel a certain way about yourself and believe me, it’s hard sometimes to go against your own self-opinion but you know what? What if you downing yourself leads to a potential partner walking away from you because they see the potential and awesome person that you couldn’t see in yourself. Your thoughts about yourself translates into your attitude which can negatively affect the relationship with someone. I think that there are sometimes an image of a couple you might not think would fit together but there’s a lot more to a relationship that what you see in them. As long as the partners involve can communicate and have trust and want to be with each other, why should a league or scale stop them. I know this was a long read but if there’s one thing I want you to keep in your mind is this: You go for who you want to go for. There’s a cute guy you like and want to tell your life story to even thought he has a different lifestyle than you? If he lets you, then do it. There’s a cute girl that you want to go out for lunch with and she is down then you take her. And it works both ways like this. You think you are too good for someone, well you’re not (in this instance). You have a good relationship with your parents and the girl you like has no communication with her mom and is not the happiest all the time. You tell her your feelings about her and the lifestyles you both live in shouldn’t play a factor towards how you feel emotionally towards her. The cute boy you’ve always liked has had a rough high school experience while you were the star cheerleader. Don’t let that stop you from wanting to know him because others will judge you. You go for who you feel like would help you grow as a person and like for who they are, that’s how I feel things should be.

Being social beings, we have this power to dictate (to a certain extent) a good portion of our lives. From the clothes we wear, to the schools we attend to our retirement plans, it’s a special power that we take for granted, for good reasons (for the most part). With that being said, I want to talk about a specific power we have as humans; our romantic life. With the help of the media in various ways, the topic of romance and relationships have many fairy tales that we would want to be part of but unfortunately in reality, it rarely occurs. Here’s a few examples: the perfect guy eventually wants to be with a girl who always dreamt of dating the “popular boy in school” or the guy who is oblivious to see that his best friend has feelings for him and at the end of the movie he ends up kissing her, the list goes on forever. The thing is that these stories are scripted, you can’t script who you are as a person. As much as someone might want their love life to turn fairy tale, it’s unfortunate a rare scenario to happen to begin with. 

            There a bunch of reasons why things don’t work out romantically. What’s unfortunate about that is that the media and society unintentionally create this label where it portrays you as the reason why things don’t work out. Even the “perfect” relationship has two partners in it who has their respective flaws. There’s no such thing as perfection, only imperfection. People, myself included, put so much pressure on themselves towards being the best for someone, doing the absolute most to be the best for someone. I do believe being the best version of yourself is beneficial for a relationship however, any version of you should be good enough. You might not be the prettiest girl, most muscular guy, no matter how many societal characteristics you don’t have, you are good enough for you. You shouldn’t bend over backwards for someone who expects you to remodel yourself for them to accept you. Everyone comes into this world with their imperfect selves and that’s okay. 

            Basically, what I’m trying to say is everyone is imperfect but that’s what makes each one of us unique in our own way. We might not be able to drive down the runway the exact way we imagined it, trying to impress our crush, getting the looks from strangers when we are walking downtown but you are unique in your own way. If you feel like there’s something backing you away from romance, it’s not the case. Patience is key. People come and go and more often than not, the first few people you’re with, won’t be there with you 10 years down the road. After each of those break-ups, you might think it was because of your overkindness you have towards people or the fact that you are not the smartest but those are qualities that make you, you, and no one can take that from you. You just have to believe me on that. I have trouble in self-appreciation, but I’ve learnt that the best of us are appreciative of who we are as a person. So next time a relationship doesn’t work out perhaps, don’t look at yourself as the immediate failure, maybe it wasn’t the right time, or it wasn’t meant to be, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you should change who you are. 

This post is coming following a conversation with someone who came to be about a lack of communication between her and her boyfriend. And it’s not the first time someone has come to be about a lack of effort from their partner and them feeling unwanted in the relationship, no matter how much they try to exit. What I want to explain in this post is what I think about mistreatment in a relationship and how to overcome it in a general scenario (even though it can vary by situation).

Relationships will always have its ups and downs, that is obvious. There are going to be days where your significant other will make you feel like you are the happiest person alive and sometimes after a fight you might question if the relationship is even worth it. Those thoughts are very normal because at the end of the day, will all those happy moments and many setbacks, those are what’s going to grow the relationship and each partner as an individual. With that being said, there is a fine line between a fight/argument and constant mistreatment which unfortunately occurs in many relationships. Yes, you might feel sometimes your partner doesn’t notice the little things you might have changed like a new hairstyle or you achieving your goal of losing 10Ibs in the past month. People have emotions and sometimes they might feel mistreated for those specific things however I’m referring those individuals who are constantly being stomped on by their partner, giving them no freedom to live. Sadly, that is pretty common in may relationships. Like I tell everyone that might be going through the scenario I’m describing, no one ever deserves to go through a relationship where they fell as if they are a burden or a punching bag for someone else’s frustration. Not only it is unhealthy for you, it can impact you in future relationship, let alone your future life.

My advice for people that are in situation like that? Leave as soon as possible. No one deserves to be treated by hate every time they try to make an effort towards the relationship. Unfortunately, some relationships are based on one-sided relationships and sometimes things are much more complicated than how it looks. However, for those who have the ability to escape such horror, one should do. Now, when it comes to someone feelings as if their partner isn’t putting the same effort into the relationship, that’s a completely different issue. You might know your partner like the back of a book but you are not in their head to see what they are thinking about. Sometimes, they might be complementing you, or sending dry messages or not even responding at all. Yes, in some relationships, people might think that’s alright to treat someone like that but sometimes, there’s more to it than black and white. Before jumping to conclusion, you should always ask your partner about their personal life or if there’s anything that’a making them act unusual than how they normally do. I’ve seen people learn that their partner thinks that how they treat them is justified and won’t change their ways and as a result, leave the relationship to better themselves. I’ve also seen many situations where a simple talk is needed to realize there is more to your partner’s life that’s affecting and sometimes, you are the pillow to their problems and with that talk, they can fix their actions towards you.

In all, this post is a bit all over the place but the messages I want readers to understand is this; mistreatment is common is all relationships and in different stages. One-sided relationships that involves violence towards an individual is for sure unacceptable and the abused should always find a way to free themselves for their own health. In those situations where you might just feel you are putting more effort than your partner, maybe you are. It happens that you value the relationship more and take it seriously. It also happens that your partner is going through stuff and they might need you more as support than a conflict starter. In all, always use communication with your partner because in the end, it can really solve many issues that you might not think are possible.